See how pathetic I am at keeping journals or doing daily writings. Here it is July 16th and I haven't written anything since the 1st. The last 2 weekends were just as rough as the one I wrote about before. Who am I kidding. Every day seems to be rough in it's own way. I got into it with a co-worker. She did apologize later that night when I went back into work though. But it bothered me so bad I cried about it. I lost sleep over it because every time I closed my mind I replayed the whole thing in my head. I tossed & turned, and every time I woke up just a little bit, there it was back on my mind. I really REALLY hate that I let things like that affect me so badly.
This last weekend honestly wasn't too bad, other than me having to have a killer assignment one night with our 2 busiest, heaviest patients, because we had a float from another floor and there was no other "fair" assignment for her. It definitely made my night fly, but fuck my feet were killing me when I got home! I was so exhausted! But the topping to the cake was when I came home yesterday morning to find that my dog had freaked out during the night and destroyed my carpet. Sometimes I swear...I just hate him! But only for a brief moment, then I love him to pieces. But omg I was so angry and it also made me just break down and cry. Mostly because I was just THAT angry at him about it. I don't know what to do about him.
My mom said "I think it's time you just put up an advertisement and try to sell him. You won't get your money back that you paid for him, but you'll get something I'm sure." No! That is not an option. I said "What do people do when they have a difficult child? Just finally throw their hands up and say 'I can't do this anymore, I'm giving you away!' Giving him up isn't an option!" And she tsk'd and reminded me that a dog and a child are 2 entirely different things. To most people, yeah. But not to me! I don't have kids, so my dogs ARE my kids! I'll never know how deeply you can love a child that you've given birth to, but I can only imagine it's similar to how much I love my dogs. It probably seems really silly to someone who has children, but to someone who doesn't have kids of their own and never will...it's just very hard to explain or make someone else understand unless they also feel that way about their dogs.
I'll need to figure something out for him. He just has such bad separation anxiety when I'm gone to work. He had been doing really well the last few weeks, then suddenly this weekend it was horrible. Every night he chewed up at least 1 of the puppy pads. I usually lay out 3 in the kitchen for them and every night he chewed up the 3rd one. So that last night I thought, well fuck it, I'm not going to put out that 3rd then. They're not cheap and if all he's going to do is shred it, what's the point. Well...a puppy pad is much cheaper than carpet! Because the last night I didn't put out that 3rd is the night he went for the carpet. I have no idea what I'm going to do about the carpet. And I have no idea what I'm going to do or try differently to get him to calm down.
I had been giving him this milk based capsule of something the vet recommended. It's not medicine, it's all natural or whatever. But I had ran out of it and honestly, I wasn't 100% it was making any difference. He wasn't having as hard of a time while I was gone, but then I was kind of hoping maybe he had just grown out of it a bit. But I think now this is the proof that it WAS helping! I ran out of it about 2 weeks ago, and she had told me that's about how long it would take to really start helping, so makes sense that's about how long it would take to kind of wear off out of his system too and why all of a sudden 2 weeks later, he started becoming destructive again. So when I take them today to drop them off at the groomers I'm going to stop buy and buy some more of it I guess. It's like $45 for a month supply. Not cheap. But again...cheaper than replacing carpet or wood, or whatever else he might decide to destroy. Here's hoping anyways.... *sighs*
No comments:
Post a Comment